1. Calmly discuss this plan with your child when there is harmony. Do not discuss during or after a tantrum.
2. Say to the child, “There are lots of things that make people angry. It’s perfectly okay to be angry, however, it is not okay to be out of control when you are angry.”
3. Say, “There are 3 anger rules that need to be followed":
1. Do not hurt others’ bodies or feelings.
2. Do not hurt yourself.
3. Do not break things.
Write these rules on a poster and hang them in your house or you may print them out from this website. Practice these by giving examples and let the child guess which rule was broken.
4. Say, “There are lots of things you can do when you are angry that do not break the anger rules. You can punch a pillow or a stuffed animal, scream into a pillow or into the crook of your elbow, rip up a tissue, scribble on paper, pound play dough, etc. Practice these methods.
5. From now on, you will be expected to handle your anger like a (child’s age) year old, and not a 2 or 3 year old. You know how to use your words.
6. Say, “When you get angry, you need to go to a quiet place or the “Anger Center” (this is a place you and your child can create with all of the tools listed in number 4 above) to calm down and get out your angry energy. You will be expected to follow the anger rules when in the anger center and everywhere else.”
7. Say, “If you choose to act like a (child’s age) year old, and handle your anger with control, you will be allowed to choose from the ‘Fun Jar’.”(a list of fun activities and privileges that are written on strips of paper and placed in a jar, or get a sticker for a chart, or whatever the parent and child choose beforehand.)
8. Say, “If you choose to yell and scream, hit, kick, or say hurtful things to others, you will be timed by me. This means I will time you to see how long you choose to lose control.”(Do not react to the tantrum, simply just look at your watch. If the audience is removed, the child will probably stop the "performance").
9. Say, "if you choose to be out of control for 15 minutes, then you will choose to go to bed 15 minutes early that evening. If you choose to be out of control for 3 hours, then you will go to bed 3 hours early. It is completely YOUR CHOICE. Obviously, if you are so out of control, you are choosing to act like a 3 year old and throwing a tantrum. Therefore, you are choosing to be treated like a 3 year old and you must be tired so you will have to go to bed early just like a 3 year old." (This is important so the child sees that the consequence "fits the crime").
10. ''I hope you choose to control your anger and not go to bed early because I like to spend time with you in the evening. If you go to bed early, that's just less time we will have together that evening."
11 "I know you can control your anger by saying, 'l am so angry because...', and then by going to the Anger Center."
12. "When you choose to control yourself and pick from the Fun Jar, you will get to make important decisions or choose more grown—up things to do."
13 ("I am very proud of you for listening. Let's celebrate our new plan by_____________. We can call________(grandparents, aunts, uncles. etc.) and tell them about our plan if you would like to, or we can keep it to ourselves. lt's your choice."
14. For rewards, you can use the list below and give the child stickers. Stickers add up to fun activities and prizes. Or you can have the child choose out of the Fun Jar below each time they get a certain amount of stickers (like 3). Read over all rewards and see which your child would prefer and work for. You can change them all up frequently so your child doesn't get bored.
________________________________________________________ Behavior Plan
_______________’s FUN Plan
l will choose to follow this rule:
1. If a grown-up asks me to do something, I will follow directions the first time asked.
2. I will be kind to others.
When I choose to follow these rules, I will earn a sticker. Stickers add up to grown up privileges, fun activities, and even prizes!
1 Sticker = A little surprise from Mommy
2 Stickers = Choose what the family has for dinner (4 food groups)
4 stickers = Watch a television show of my choice with just Mom and me 6 Stickers = Choose a game the family plays together for 30 min.
9 stickers = Go to the dollar store and choose one item
12 Stickers = Sleep in a sleeping bag anywhere in the house for one night
15 Stickers = Be the parent for 15 minutes and Mom and Dad are the children (set a timer)
18 Stickers = Choose two items at the dollar store
22 Stickers = ?
25 Stickers = Go to the movie theater and invite a friend
Please feel free to change these things or delete or add any other things that will motivate your child. Most things make them feel powerful without running the house. They can earn "big boy" or "big girl" things to do when they act "big".
When you reach the end, you can add on or start over and change the prizes or keep them the same.
Behavior plans fail when children get bored with the rewards or when adults are not consistent! Be EXTREMELY CONSISTENT!!
Or you may want to try the Fun Jar... ________________________________________________________
FUN JAR (Cut these into strips, fold, and place into a jar. Your child can decorate the jar.)
Choose what the family has for dinner.
Play a game with mom or dad for 20 minutes.
Read a favorite book.
Sleep in a sleeping bag anywhere in the house for one night (except mom and dad's room).
You get to be the "parent" for 15 minutes, and mom and dad are the "children".
Help make dinner.
Choose a special snack.
Stay up 10 minutes past your bedtime for one night.
Draw a silly picture to put on the refrigerator.
Make a 10-minute long distance phone call.
Help mom or dad run a fun errand.
Make a necklace or key chain out of paperclips or macaroni, etc.
Choose a song for the family to dance to.
Have an extra dessert.
Choose what time you want to do your homework for one day.
Do a special chore you normally do not get to do.
Choose a 30-minute program the whole family watches.
This is a lot of information! Of course, if you have questions or need help deciphering all of this, please email me or call and I will be happy to help in any way I can!